while i’m trying to gather my thoughts i am constantly gathering things that i have no use for. i remember lyrics of music i haven’t listened to for years and i remember a photo of the aerodynamics of a cow. i remember how to sew a zipper into a skirt and i remember the beautiful song in this georgian movie and i remember recognising the song from a kate bush album which makes me think of how my mother told me to listen to kate bush when i was a kid but i didn’t like it. i remember a couple of numbers from pi but if i think really hard i can probably go on for quite some time. i remember tweeting that i just woke up and i remember tweeting the name of my baby. i remember bad luck brian and i remember streaming how i met your mother after school. i remember being bored and i remember being entertained the minute after. i remember endlessly watching the same video and i remember finding youtube repeat so i wouldn’t have to do it manually. i remember emails from a nigerian prince. i remember online shopping and home improvement blogs. i remember my little pony and i remember thocky keyboards. i remember this video of a guy blessing himself after sneezing and thanking himself for blessing himself, i remember the ice bucket challenge and the cinnamon challenge and i remember streaming this movie of a woman just sitting at her kitchen table peeling potatoes for three hours but also that she kills someone in the end. i remember streaming so many bad documentaries because why not. i remember dressing these pixelated dolls on this website and wishing i had the same outfits. i remember listing all the bands i listened to and all the concerts i went to on my first social media page. i remember so many cow facts. i remember that the shape between a square and a circle is called a squircle. i remember that bread is bad for ducks but it is fine if your dog eats a bit but chocolate is not fine for dogs and i don’t know about ducks. i remember looking at a map that has the south pole up and not being able to recognise where my country is. i remember that a parking chair is a thing and that there’s a tortoise somewhere that is the last known of his species and i remember a recipe for fried olives which are amazing. i remember the ticket prices of a flight from amsterdam to new york at any time and i remember all the routes you can take from venice to milan with every form of transport possible. i remember all the streets in las vegas if you don’t believe me i could tell you but then we would be here for a while. i remember the prices of gas going up and down and up and down and now they just go up and i remember a time before nfts. i remember the etymology of the word table and any other word. i remember speaking german and i remember thinking mandarin. i remember saying hello world. i remember not knowing something and talking to my friends to figure out what the answer might be and being happy with the answer as we imagined it was. i remember the recession and i remember the time before the recession. i remember the dog with the floppy ears it is so cute. i remember loving kate bush as a kid. i remember being a nigerian prince. i remember a list of 175 random facts wait let me tell you one a wood frog can hold its pee for up to eight months. i remember taking buzzfeed quizzes time and time again until i got the result that i wanted to get. i remember studying for exams but being distracted by the buzzfeed quizzes and the articles of random facts and the dog with the floppy ears that is so cute and the ice bucket challenge and the aerodynamics of a cow. i remember writing for a couple of sentences and then looking away at all things that require my attention. i remember trying to tell you a story but my head is so full of everything all of the time that i don’t remember what i was supposed to tell you.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes).

there was this american guy that lived like 200 years ago and i find it strange his these words perfectly describe how i feel when there seems to be so little that we have in common. or maybe i underestimate how much we have in common since apparently we both are so large and contain multitudes and now i contain his poem too.

often when i tell someone a story, somewhere midway i forget which story i’m telling. i know stories from so many people and so many places; it is hard to keep track. sometimes i forget whether i experienced something myself or whether i read it somewhere or saw it somewhere or heard it somewhere. it seems like every story in some way becomes a part of another story and before i know it is a new story.

i feel like if i want to, i could contain every story.

i don’t remember much from june 28th 2018, except that i took a video of a chicken and zoomed in on it and liking the video enough to launch it into the ether. since then i have been very inconsistantly making more video’s of birds. having this one thing that i do gives me a sense of calmness and focus; i limit my options so i don’t have to think about what i could or should do. i just make a video of a bird whenever i see one. i have always loved collecting but i could never stick to one thing.

do i contain multitudes or am i just unsure?

i think limiting my options is a way i deal with complex situations. by setting rules for yourself to play by you make the choices easier, even though the better choice might be outside of your options. it reduces everything to yes and no, 1 or 0.

i’m so sure of everything that i think know that it results in being unsure of everything because for everything i think i know i know something that is the complete opposite.

i can list everything i remember.

and in the end everything that belongs to me as much belongs to you.

URL/IRL (i remember)
lulu van dijck